give up, I had to find reasons to persist. I had to have purpose. When you search your heart like this — when your survival depends on it — you learn to filter out the things the things that truly don’t matter. With this kind of reflection, I realized that my purpose is to love and to receive love from others. Even when I was in the process of healing, I realized that if I acted in love, I couldn’t lose. Acting passionately for the benefit of others is what makes sense to me.

If I hadn’t had schizophrenia and hadn’t been stripped of everything, maybe I would have taken another path — maybe one that was only about self-improvement and traditional measures of success, rather than caring for others and forging my own path. I believe that life could have been more superficial if I hadn’t had to dig deep, live in survival mode and discover what truly matters in life. My pain and suffering have given me a direction and trajectory for how I want my life to matter.

 Discovering The Power Of Gratitude

One way I survived schizophrenia was learning what gratitude truly means and how to use this power in daily life. Early on in my illness, I found power in being negative and figured I was the only person in the world who wasn’t “normal.” I thought feeling sorry for myself was loving myself, but I was wrong. With time, I realized that the ultimate way to overcome the challenges of mental illness was to find gratitude in those challenges.

Finding gratitude in everyday life and the little things led to a deeper gratitude for my existence and positivity about my future. I am proud of what I have overcome, thankful for what some might take for granted and happy to have a life I can authentically call my own.

Ultimately, I am a more grateful, positive person than I was before my illness. I’m more content with my life now than I was when I was 20. Every step I take is something I’m grateful for — and I am content to move forward as the person I am now. I can still be true to myself and know who I am, even if I am no longer completely the person I once was. Nothing that truly matters is lost for good; and in fact, I am better due to my experiences.

“Sometimes you have to get knocked down lower than you’ve ever been, to stand up taller than you ever were.” – Unknown

Sarah Merritt Ryan is a writer covering mental illness topics like stigma, recovery and hope. She is a survivor of schizophrenia and is now a wife, mother and small business owner. She is a frequent NAMI Blog contributor, as well as a NAMI Connection Support Group (CSG) facilitator and an In Our Own Voice (IOOV) speaker in North Carolina.