Cheryl Landes
Coping with a Loved One’s Mental Illness
Eight years into his career as a sales representative, my husband began saying people were following him. When I asked him questions about it, he didn’t reply or changed the subject, so I assumed he was just having a bad day. His comments were occasional at first, but as time went on, he said he was watched constantly. He believed someone was staking out our home and our phone line was bugged.
I didn’t notice anything unusual happening around us, except for my husband’s changing behavior. I continued asking him questions, but he began blaming me for knowing who the conspirators were. I didn’t understand why he was acting this way because I hadn’t done anything to cause him to lose his trust in me.
Then his employer laid him off. We talked about what he wanted to do next, and he chose to make a career change. We moved across the country so he could be closer to networking and job opportunities. After six months of rejections, he gave up on finding a job and his paranoia worsened.
I struggled to understand what was happening and tried to find help for him. When I talked to him about seeing a counselor, he angrily responded, “I don’t have a problem. You do.”
Eventually, my husband lost interest in everything. Our relationship transformed into two roommates who rarely talked to each other. When my husband initiated a conversation, he only spoke about the people he believed were following him and interfering with his daily activities.
My confidence returned and I began setting boundaries with him. I didn’t allow him to drive our car anymore after he almost caused an accident at a dangerous intersection during one of his delusions. I blocked his access to the pay-per-view cable channels after he started watching shows when I was at work.
He didn’t like these boundaries, but accepted them when he realized I wouldn’t back down. Despite this, the stress from our deteriorating relationship became unbearable and I moved out.
Less than three months later, calls started coming from creditors about past-due bills my husband had that I didn’t know about. Soon I had more expenses than income and moved into my car. I started working a second job, and eventually with the extra income and an emergency withdrawal from my 401(k), I paid off the bills. In the meantime, I filed for divorce to protect myself financially…
